:/

"Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold
In the shape of a heart that they cut out of stone
You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start
If you let me have my way I swear I'll tear you apart
Cause it's all you can be
You're a drunk and you're scared
It's ladies night, all the girls drink for free"

I have such a clear mind and understanding of everything at 2:41 in the morning. I realize what everything I feel means and how feeling the exact opposite would be much better, but no, even though my mind and logic tell me one thing, my heart is a fucking retard. And it's not just your everyday retard, it's that one that sits in a wheel chair and can maybe get out one word. So, therefore being shot in the heart might be a better feeling because if I go through anymore of this, I'm not gonna have much of a heart left.

It's not even anyone's fault either, my brain knows this, my brain is fully over it all, but it's that retarded heart just fucking with me. The thing is I don't want a relationship of any kind with anyone. I'm just not into the whole relationship thing right now, as fun as they can be, I can't see myself with anyone I've every met at this point in time. So, that better mean, I'll meet a girl someday, that I can fall in love with and maybe even marry.

I'm listening to Brand New, and it's really taking down my high and making me think. I'll think later.

I turn 22 tuesday. Damn right.

I had more to say, but I don't need to share it with the rest of the world, it'll be my little secret to myself.